Ok, who pulled the plug! I tell ya, I go away for ONE weekend, go hike ONE lousy mountain, and all of a sudden I’m on a slip-n-slide on the downhill of WHERE THE HELL ARE THE DAYS GOING!??!?!

Yeah right, one weekend – I haven’t been around for a weekend for like 4 MONTHS now. But! I am thoroughly socialized, goodbyes not yet being said but relationships being tended to, watered, mulched, repotted. You know, the good thing about the ticking clock permanently following you around over your head is it’s a much expediated reminder (not to mention louder and more incessant) compared to, you know, life just flowing by like normal until you arrive at 85 years old and you’re like WTF, where did the time GO?! I know where every one of my minutes has gone these past weeks and months – all poured into trip planning (or avoiding, as appropriate when trip-fatigued), packing, attempting to maintain a semblance of a relationship with my boyfriend, swapping notes or comments on Facebook, getting together with good friends, old friends, don’t want to die in a single-engine plane crash in the Himalayas without seeing you again friends (just kidding Mom, they only fly 777′s with piano bars to the Everest Base Camp trailhead).

Speaking of mountains with stupid ridiculous elevations….. I see that Ray kindly shared my Flagstaff mountain peak misadventures with the world. Now whose DUMBASS idea was THAT SHIT anyway!?!? No I’m not talking about me going alone. No I’m not talking about walking in the dark with the pits of mountain lions waiting for my fresh meat to fall in and be devoured (as Ray would tell it).

I AM TALKING ABOUT WHO THE HELL DECIDES TO BUILD A MOUNTAIN THAT GOES UPHILL??!! What kind of INANE idea is THAT? Do you even REALIZE, what it would take normal people 5 hours to do it took ME 11 and A HALF STUPID HOURS OF MY LIFE because no one bothered to TELL me the damn thing goes uphill?? Look, just look! Does this look like it goes uphill to YOU?

Just a bunch of squiggles, if you ask me! I shouldn’t think squiggles should be so hard, I have to walk those anytime I go to Disneyland!

But no! Instead, I end up dragging myself up by my hiking poles for 15 steps at a time, stop and pant, lather rinse repeat for 8 friggin hours, and end up looking like THIS by the end of this little NATURE jaunt.

Yes! Wanted to die! But it’s training for the great Everest Expedition 2010 (personally I think the greatest thing about it will be coming back DOWN the 18,000 ft, though Ray keeps saying something about “how awesome to stand at the base of the rooftop of the world” and “wow we’re going to the HIMALAYAS” or some nonsense like that.)

Word has it on the streets though that those Himalayas go uphill too. PSH!

But, once I recovered from my pulmonary edema, I did consider what a massive (like 12,633 ft massive, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!) feat I had accomplished with this little “squiggly stroll” of mine, and mustered a “this is moments before I consider that it’s almost sundown and I’m at the TOP of the mountain” smile.

Here’s a more magazine-cover worthy one (cough, hello are you paying attention, Time Magazine? This once-in-a-lifetime mountain achievement was BIG, you know! ME! On a freakin MOUNTAINTOP!). Somebody SEND THIS TO TIME MAGAZINE for me, would you please? Kthx!

So yes, it was a lovely day on the mountain, even if meanwhile Boyfriend was going nutty back on level (reasonable) ground. But still, by the time I got back down – at 10 O’CLOCK AT NIGHT – this is how I felt about hiking, this one and all future generations of them:

But… at least the vaccination shots came in handy.

“Rabies warning.” HA!